Lessons for an Impatient Gal

I’m a big dreamer and also a very immediate kinda gal. When new ideas are envisioned, I want them to happen NOW! I don't like waiting. I don't want to ponder over the complexities and set out huge plans for the future. I want to move, get on with it and figure things out as I go. Too bad much of life does not agree with this concept. And God being the gentle one that He is, so lovingly guides..."My daughter, patience is a challenge you must master, so let's hit it head on. You shall have many opportunities to embrace this new skill."

{Sigh} Not something this "immediate one" likes to hear...but while in the waiting mode of patience, a wonderful gift was given. I've been able to step back and look at the bigger picture. In the past instead of using new inspirations to move me forward, I allowed these beautiful dreams and visions to haunt my impatient soul.

I can't tell you the hours, months and years that were spent preparing for ideas that have never taken root. Why? What has caused this immediate-doer-kind-of-gal to be halted by every step? Simply put, I quit listening.

Several years out of college there was a panic moment. Plans made for a life and career quickly showed themselves to be the path that should not be taken. Instead of just moving on, I held tightly and didn't want to let go.

I originally went to college for two degrees - American Sign Language and Education. After being in the public school system, it was very apparent that God had different plans and was moving me in a another direction. Without thinking twice, I followed His guidance and switched from being an Education major to a Sociology major my senior year. Ah yes, a change of path. It meant one more year of college, but this immediate gal was up for the challenge. "Okay God. Not sure what you have in mind here, but I'm game."

The next year was amazing! The study of the structure and dynamics of society and their intricate connections to patterns of human behavior was magical! Days and nights filled with sociology, psychology and sign language...I was in heaven!!

After graduation I took a part-time kindergarten teaching job for a very short time, which solidified the notion that God definitely did not intend for me to be in a school teaching role. I continued interpreting for the local university and community college which led to the opportunity of being Coordinator of Services for the Deaf. It was wonderful being in a college setting using the language I so loved.

And then came the day when God asked for another move to something new. "What? No, I must have misunderstood. You really want me to stay here, right God? I switched majors with your new plan in mind and now you're asking me to do something completely out of my realm of experience? But this was the plan! All of these years training, and for what? What else would I do?"

And so I stayed. I didn't listen and the situation became very challenging. The previously felt peace and contentment disappeared. Work was no longer fun. It was always hard work, but now it was strained. The situation became toxic and so the time was at hand to move on, just as God had encouraged months before.

After that I felt lost. My grandmother's health was failing and at the encouragement of my brother, our family moved to be closer to her. I began to throw myself into caring for Grandmother and lost sight of myself and the lessons along the way. God began to show new visions and dreams, but by that time I was so discouraged and disconnected that these new ideas had no place in which to be nurtured. Doubt became my closest friend.

But something had to be done with these ideas...so I researched, read, studied and began to embrace the hope of new possibilities. Not much happened in the way of these new dreams at the time...they were there just waiting for the right moment when a heart was ready to be connected again.

God used those many years with Grandmother to open the parts of my heart I thought were lost. At Grandmother's knee I learned the art of being in the moment, to offer love in every situation and to never lose sight of His guiding hand. Even though the enormity of the lessons were not grasped at the time, the powerful effect on my spirit has forever changed the way in which I embrace the world.

God can use any time, any stage and any moment for our good. Don't allow discouragement to get you off course. Look for the lessons and you will go far...even if you think you aren't making any progress at all (: The key to your future is time...

"Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world." ~ Harriet Tubman



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Embrace The Sacred In Each Moment

The last few years have taught me many great lessons, but I think the most important, and one I still have to remind myself to embrace, is finding the sacred in each moment. Life is full of unexpected surprises...ones that offer times of sheer joy and unspeakable delight and then others that resemble the turmoil of a full frontal assault. And then we have the mundane...those times when absolutely nothing seems to be happening and our hearts are aching for more. Ah, the ebb and flow of life (:

The neat thing about God is that He's always teaching and there's always something to learn if we're willing to just look. When we search for the beauty in every situation, even in the midst of destruction, it leads to a place of grace. Those times of pain, joy and "nothingness" are then transformed into something higher. We no longer see things as insignificant. Each moment, each person, each experience has worth and it opens our eyes to the plethora of possibilities around us. Instead of viewing life as a collection of things that just happen, we begin to embrace life with honor and treat our experiences as moments of a higher calling. The simple act of watching the sunset can become something powerful in an instant.

So the next time you feel like life is just happening around you, try approaching each day as a sacred encounter. What are the lessons in front of me? Is there anything to be gleaned from washing dishes, walking down a quiet path or watching the kids play in the backyard? What about the sickness that has come back or the job that was lost? Could this perspective possibly make a difference?

What if the power of grace was placed into the middle of those situations? How would things feel? How would the moments surrounding these experiences change? I can't answer those questions for anyone except myself. Looking at life this way has allowed me to let go of the past, the fear and the need to be perfect. It's given me the strength to be bold, the courage to see the beauty of what I have to offer and the freedom to be me. Give it a try and let the sacred transform your days.



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What to do when you life vision falls flat Part 2

I don't know what it is, but the moon gives clarity for the soul. My post from yesterday was unfinished and no matter how many times the thing was tweaked, it still wasn't coming together (: So I thought I'd let it sit for a day and come back. A walk in the moonlight and encouragement from lovely friends who left comments helped to bring things together. I asked a couple of questions..."Ever have your life planned out only for things to take a totally different direction? Did you have a vision of how things would unfold and now life is not playing nice with the dream?"

Actually, I'm in the middle of this wonderful dichotomy...yes, I said wonderful even though this past week hasn't felt so wonderful. The vision for my life was to go to college, find my soulmate, graduate, get married, find a great job, buy a cute cottage, have kids and face the challenges of life as a family. Well, that hasn't happened.

At the time I was okay with it because the focus was taking care of Grandmother. But when you turn 40, begin to evaluate things and see everyone else moving on while you're still at the starting gate, the sadness can be overwhelming...especially when it comes to having children. It's even harder when siblings and cousins begin to breach that realm and you watch as their families grow. Don't get me wrong. The opportunities have been there, but each time God said, "No, not yet. Wait." {Sigh}

Now almost half way through my one year challenge, those feelings have come back with a vengeance. "Why God? Why am I still waiting? Why am I having to take the long path while everyone else around me seems to have the life of which I've always dreamed? You do realize, God, that if I wait much longer the possibility of having children dwindles." (: But just as He has asked in the past, "Be happy for the blessings of others and celebrate their joys even in the midst of your own pain. Your time will come soon enough." {BIG Sigh}

So, what's the plan here? To be honest...I have no idea. God is an out-of-the-box kinda guy and on the surface things may not make sense, but He's guiding my every step. This may sound odd, but through all the mourning over a life of unexpected twists and turns, I'm more confident and content than ever before. During this time my faith has grown by leaps and bounds. God has drawn me closer to Him, allowed the healing of old wounds and opened new doors that were never thought possible.

You see, when we let go of our vision and open ourselves to God's vision, a design greater than we could ever imagine will come forth. We might have lost a loved one, a marriage might have crumbled, the scholarship for school might not have come through, the baby we were expecting might have been lost, the cancer that was once gone might have back or maybe the job we've had for 15 years is no longer there...life is full of things that throw us for a loop and make us question the meaning of it all. There will be times of questioning and frustration.

I've been there this week, but I've asked for a life bigger than my hands could design...the life that God has always wanted for me. With that comes a lot of work on my part plus the willingness to let go of the old vision of yesterday.

I've accepted the long, narrow path and can see where I'm headed, I just don't like where I am at the moment. It's the dreaded "in-betweens." That place that feels like perpetual limbo when we've left the old life behind and we're half way to the new. We can see the possibilities, hopes and dreams taking shape right on the horizon, but the journey through this leg of the path is not yet finished and there's still more climbing to do.

So, if you find yourself in the in-betweens here are some tips that have helped me:

1. Spend time in prayer each day. Meditate and connect with the One who is working on your behalf behind the scenes.


2. Love yourself. Okay, I know this one sounds corny, but you have to appreciate the beauty of you! You are in the world for a purpose and it wouldn't be the same without you! Honor yourself by nurturing the lovely person you are. It will allow you, in turn, to love others more deeply.


3. Focus on the blessings you've already encountered. What is going right in your life? Make a list and review it each day.


4. Reach out to help others. There's nothing better for the soul than helping those in need.


5. Gather a circle of close friends. Share your heart with those who love and care about you. On those days when you feel weak, they can be of great counsel and support.


6. Memorize scripture that is specific to your situation. Quote it as you go about your day. You'll be surprised by the energy and lift it gives.


7. Do something fun. It doesn't matter what it is, just do something that makes you smile. The sillier the better (:


8. Just let go. You need to embrace the sadness that you might be experiencing, but don't let it overpower your spirit. Take the time you need to grieve (it's different for everyone) and then move forward. Let go of how things used to be and look towards the possibilities.


9. Set goals. Set some short and long term goals that keep you moving forward. It could be one thing a week or maybe even one thing a month. Just do something.


10. Practice forgiveness. To live in a world filled with people means to live with the possibility that you will be hurt. By forgiving those that hurt us, it opens the heart to love. Forgiving doesn't mean that what has happened is okay and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong, it just means that we allow healing to come into the mix which brings a peace that can help us move forward.

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Fathers and Daughters

This will be my second Father's Day without Dad. He died quite unexpectedly, but the healing he offered our family will last a lifetime. You see, we didn't have the best relationship. Like many fathers, the scars from his past created a wounded spirit that prevented him from connecting with his family. As a result, he struggled with depression for most of his life.

Dad could be very hard, emotionally abusive at times and the depression he faced brought an all-consuming darkness that could strike at any moment without warning. No one knew the kind of chaos we experienced because Dad's best was always given to those outside of our home. It wasn't intentional, he just had nothing left to offer by the end of the day.

As a little girl I so badly wanted the acceptance of my father. This challenging relationship shaped the view of myself, the kind of man to which I was attracted and brought an insecurity that I sometimes still battle today. There were moments when distance was needed because Dad could consume every moment if allowed, but Mom and Grandmother always encouraged us to have an open place in our hearts for him.

I'm so glad I did. After much work on my own heart, I was able to look past the pain of all those years to see the good things he offered. He was a creative spirit, humble, loved to serve those in need, offered excellence in his work, enjoyed reading and the arts, made you laugh with his dry sense of humor, loved to build things, had a heart for the elderly, was a Biblical scholar, found solace in nature, could let out a chuckle that would bring an instant smile to anyone's face (: and he loved his grandchildren with his whole heart. Once I focused on all of the beautiful things, the negative faded away and the healing began.

In my 30's Dad and I were able to get to know each other all over again. We had long talks about the past, his history, our family and he was open like never before. I felt safe to share my life with him again and our journey was set in motion. The change was wonderful! He encouraged my entrepreneurial efforts, continually told me how proud he was of me and reached out to get to know my world. We lived a state away so phone calls were shared everyday...sometimes even watched TV shows together. We would call when a favorite was on and experienced the show together over the phone wires (:

During the last months of his life the openness and thankfulness was amazing. I'll never forget the day he called me his angel...the power in that simple statement was more than I even realized. It was as if the gravity of those words smothered all the anger, hurt and sadness from the years before. I finally had the father my heart had longed for all these years.

And so now when I think of Dad, I remember the love he shared, the blessings he gave and the healing he offered. My life will never be the same. So if the relationship with your father isn't what you needed or even wanted, there is hope. Never give up because things can change. Just open your heart, reach out in love and let God intervene. He can heal the places you thought were closed off forever.

This doesn't always mean the relationship is restored because not every father is able to make that step...sometimes you stand alone with your heart in God's hands and have faith that He can take the ashes of what was lost and make you whole again.

"And He shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children and the heart of the children to their fathers." Malachi 4:6

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Storms

This evening we had the most magical thunder storm we've had in a while! Flashing beams of light darting across the sky, casting shadows all around. Then the clouds opened up, offering a downpour of nature's tears. I love storms. There's something so cathartic about watching the chaos of whipping wind, electric beams and heavy rain drops from the security of home.

It reminds me of the uncertainty of life and the storms we each face. If we look at the storms while we're standing in the rain, we're sure to be hit by lightening. But if we surround ourselves in the home of God, those storms become something mystical...the fear turns into wonder. We begin to look at the mysteriousness of what is taking place and begin to see the beauty in it.

Something that has the potential to be terrifying is transformed into a deeper moment of depending on God and we're able to see what's happening in a different light. Instead of running to find cover, we stand in awe of the power before us. We appreciate the rain that waters the land, wait with excitement for the next flash of light to show and count the seconds until we hear the boom of thunder.

I love to light a few candles in the fireplace, turn off all the lights and watch the light show from the safety of home. So the next time you find yourself in a storm, take a deep breath, find a home in the safety of God's arms, light some candles and watch the show with different eyes. You have nothing to fear. Just know that the storm will pass soon enough and you'll come away with a greater knowing of yourself and your God.

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." ~ Psalm 18:2

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The 2010 She Speaks Conference

In the last couple of posts I mentioned how God has been sending me on yet another surprising journey. This year has been about moving dreams off the back burner, getting back to basics and listening to the still small voice that wants to guide me to my full potential. Well, when you ask for something, get ready!

For the past several years I've felt God calling my heart to write. So many titles and ideas seemed to leap from the quiet corners of my mind, but I had no idea where to begin. I decided to keep a journal of sorts to log the thoughts when they would appear and assumed this would be a life work that would take form 10 or 20 years later down the road. You see, I'm not a writer. English was not my major in college and I'm grammatically challenged on most days (:

But over the last few months three books have taken shape with such force that the possibility of releasing them into the world has now gotten my attention. I contacted a friend who is a writer and she suggested attending the She Speaks Conference - She Speaks is a life-changing conference for women seeking to explore the tug on their hearts to reach out to the world for Jesus. Hosted by Proverbs 31 Ministries for the past nine years, She Speaks encourages and equips women as they communicate God's Word through writing, speaking and leadership.

I hopped over to the site to see when the 2010 conference might be and it just so "happens" to fall on July 30 - August 1. Not only that, but it's being held only 25 miles away from my home! With funds low and wondering how God is going to bring this around, one of the ladies working with the convention suggested raising scholarship funds.

Each year many of the women who attend do so by raising their own scholarships, whether partially or in full. Some post info on their blogs and facebook while others reach out to their church family and community. The testimonies are amazing of how God provides.

And so I'm stepping out in faith yet again. God has placed a calling on my heart to attend She Speaks in 2010 and I trust He will financially provide a way to go. Would you prayerfully consider partnering with me through a financial contribution towards a scholarship that will allow me to attend?

As you feel led to join in this exciting call, there are two ways to participate. You can call Proverbs 31 Ministries at 877-731-4663 to contribute or send a check payable to Proverbs 31 Ministries to:

Proverbs 31 Ministries
She Speaks Scholarship/Michele Yates
616-G Matthews-Mint Hill RoadMatthews, NC 28105

Please be sure to designate the scholarship in my name (Michele Yates) in order to credit my scholarship fund. You will be receipted for your tax-deductible donation. Visit the She Speaks site for more information. I appreciate your thoughtfulness so much and could not do this without you being a very important part.

"She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue." Proverbs 31:26



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Pressing On...

I find God sending me down a new path, just when I was getting used to the old one. I've often struggled with starting and stopping projects. Sometimes it feels like it can take ages for me to get going and then heaven forbid anything interrupt that process because who knows how long it'll take to get started up again (: Is anyone else like this?

One of the things that seems to be up for change is a place to live. I've posted before about the desire to live in a smaller town down the road. As a matter of fact I had the opportunity to move there about three years ago. The cost was more than my current place, but felt God was asking me to take a step of faith and put down the first month's rent and deposit. Even though it was exactly where I wanted to be, the move didn't make sense at the time.

It was the perfect location, had beautiful curb appeal, a lovely fenced in yard for the dogs and just the right space for a garden. Even though it was small, it felt like home and was oh, so peaceful. So I prayed long and hard. The answer?...take the check by. Step out in faith...stretch.

As I drove to meet the owner at the local coffee shop to pick up the keys, a song came on the radio by Superchick called "Stand in the Rain." One of the lines of the song says...

"Alone in this fight with herself
And the fears whispering
If she stands, she'll fall down."

Oh! Exactly what I was experiencing! The entire drive, there was this nasty fight of thoughts playing in my head. "You won't be able to move here! It's not for you! You won't be able to afford this! It might be your dream, but it's out of your reach! Don't even entertain the possibility!"

Oh...something as simple as a move turned into a trip down doubt lane. But then the chorus started...

"So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain"

So with tear drenched cheeks I dropped off the check and picked up the keys. An almost immediate sense of peace came over me and I knew the right decision was made. The next day my Dad was in town so I asked if he'd like to go by and and take a look at the new place. Dad could sometimes operate on the negative side of things, but this day was different.

He was present in the moment and the glow of excitement on his face when we entered the front door was anything short of beaming! He loved it! We went through each room discussing where things might go and how the layout was perfect for entertaining. He even offered to help me move! This was quite the miracle so I knew his approval was genuine (:

To make a long story short, for whatever reason, the deal fell through. I was devastated! But I had prayed! I asked God and He said to move forward...what the heck was this? After much prayer I grew to realize it wasn't about the move, it was about stepping out in faith and growing my dependence upon Him.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. I drove by this same townhouse and noticed a cleaning crew. All the windows were up, bushes and trees had been trimmed and the renter had moved out! Was it available? Could this be true? My heart skipped a beat! I didn't see a sign. Could I dare go there again and think the possibility of a move was in the near future?

See, I pass by this place quite often and each time it brings back the memories of my Dad's visit. He passed away eight months after our tour and that time we shared together still means the world to me. So to be able to move into the very place where my father walked with me would be awesome!

I decided to put the thought out of my head and continue on to my intended destination. While pulling into the parking lot of the store a song came on the radio. You guessed it! "Stand in the Rain." The line of the chorus that stood out this time was, "And one day, what's lost can be found." Geez!! Okay God! What in the world!

Much like before, now is not a good time to move. I just started some new projects, am in the middle of painting and redecorating several rooms, plus the funds needed for such a task are low, not to mention my work world being in limbo. I found myself putting things on hold. Should I really do all this stuff if I'm going to move anyway? Why bother continuing if I'm not going to be here in a few months?

And then it hit me...I don't have to know all the details. I don't have to worry about missing an opportunity to move to this place. If it's meant for me, then God will take care of things behind the scenes. If a move is in the future then the funds will be available. If this town is meant to be my home soon, then my projects will fall into place. I do not have to worry. I don't have to try and control all the works in play. He's got it (:

Even though this home seems to be the perfect place, God knows what I need. He knows my heart and I feel safe in His arms. So, as I wait on His word, I press on and continue to work on projects, paint, organize...and be (:

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life"
~ Matthew 6:27



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Ah...Mothers

Mother's Day...a time when we pull back to really focus on Mom and the legacy she offers. I wanted to share a little bit about the lovely ladies in my life and the blessings they have so greatly given.

I have the pleasure of sharing living quarters with mine and even though our space can get pretty small, pretty fast, we're doing just fine. The picture above reminds me of the many talks and times shared enjoying God's beautiful nature.

Mom and I moved in together many years ago to ease the financial challenge of caring for my Grandmother. What was a necessity at the time, turned into a huge blessing later down the road. You see, Mom and I have always had this up and down relationship. I don't even want to mention the teenage years! She handed down "The Mother's Curse" long ago..."I hope you have a daughter just like you some day...then you'll understand." My word! I hope that one passes me by! We love each other, but can drive each other crazy in the same breath. I suppose it's like that with all Moms and Daughters.

Years later Grandmother moved in and joined our household of merriment after being unable to live on her own. Now, for three head strong and independent women, this was no easy task. Mom and I experienced our own moments of butting heads because she has one way of doing things and I have another...and now an additional woman with the same stubborn streak was entering the space. Oh my!

But something magical happened while these three generations of women were living under the same roof. Grandmother and I talked like we had never talked before. She began to share things never touched in the past. It gave me an awesome view through the window of her eyes and I began to see both my Mother and Grandmother for the women they were...flawed, beautiful, inspiring strong women who made good choices as well as bad ones just like everyone else. I took notice of the legacy offered by each one...the many, many lessons to be learned from their walk down life's pathway.

Grandmother had the uncanny ability to lighten the very energy of a room with her presence. She saw the heart of people and loved others no matter how she was treated. She embraced life with gusto and could laugh with a passion like I've never seen!! Grandmother had the best sense of humor and wasn't afraid to show it! If you didn't have a good belly laugh at least once every other day around her, you weren't paying attention! She lived with grace, honor, courage and love.

Mom is just like Grandmother in so many ways. That same energy of love and grace abounds and you feel warmer just sharing the same space! I feel so lucky to have the Mom I do...she's an open book, not afraid to admit her mistakes, loves to make the simple, everyday things special and cares for others with an unconditional love that could only compare to the saints (: She's also a hoot to hang around! Don't get us out in public when we're tired, because the laughter at absolutely nothing won't stop until one of us falls over!

Yes, she's fun and wild and I've been so blessed to spend the last few years really getting to know her.So as this special time of Mother's Day approaches, I thank these beautiful, strong women for loving me, supporting me, inspiring me, guiding me, for being the incredible women that they are and for being my best friends!!



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Daily Hiking

Getting out and being in the great outdoors each day has really transformed how I feel and increased productivity. Not to mention getting the exercise this body has so desperately needed for the last few years (:

The photo above is a shot taken at the beginning of the route. It really is lovely! It seems like nature is putting on the best show yet! The greens seems greener, the flower colors seem richer, and the landscape is playing a symphony that could only compare to the work of Vivaldi.

Each week I've been adding distance to the walk. Today was surprisingly easy...possibly because the focus was on the beauty around me or perhaps the company (: This field of purple haze greeted us as we switched to the other side of the road for our return home. I'm so lucky to have access to such loveliness (:

And the pièce de résistance?

What more could have been given as my journey for the day came to a close? Can't think of a better way to end the walk home (:

"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet: all flocks and herds, and the beasts of the field, the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas. O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!" ~ Psalm 8:3-9



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Week Thirteen Update

Oh my goodness! Another week has flown by...Can't believe it's Friday and I'm just now posting my Week Thirteen Update! I'll get back in the swing of things soon (:

Last week and a good part of this week has been learning about confidence and boundaries. The one thing I love about getting older is the sense of confidence that grows each year. I'm stronger, more self assured, and darn right impressed with myself. Okay...not in the narcissistic, egotistical fashion, but I can look myself in the mirror and like what I see. There are bumps and bruises from the ride, but the journey has added a nice patina to the soul. Past experiences, good and bad, have allowed me to see beauty in the everyday simplicities and peace abounds.

Boundaries...ah, now that's a different story. See, I'm a giver and a warrior when comes to helping others. Always have been. I spot a need and want to fill it. Someone is being wronged and I want to defend them. The trouble with that is sometimes people need to help themselves or maybe someone else has been called to fill that need. Just because I see it doesn't mean I must take action instantly.

I have a couple of people in my life whom I love dearly, but they don't quite see how their actions affect others around them...aren't we all like this at one time or another? Now, these two have greatly hurt someone close to my heart, someone who is also a giver, and it's hard to sit back and say nothing. But sometimes that's exactly what we should do.

In my warrior state of mind, "If I just explain how their behavior is hurting others around them, surely they will see!! They just don't realize what they're doing." But attempts have been made in the past with little change to follow...only annoyance expressed that anything was addressed with no discussion of the situation's validity...just sweep it under the rug and act as if nothing happened. It's even harder when family is involved.

I'm learning that silence is sometimes more powerful than a voice. There are times when your voice must be heard and be heard loudly, but so many times it's the quiet silence that wins the battle. In the silence we hear the guidance of that inner voice leading us to the next step, the next task or the next response. When we step back in silence we can also weed through the chatter of distraction. Is this my battle to fight? Do I step forward now, or maybe later? Most of the time it has nothing to do with the other people in our lives, but how we respond to them. I can choose grace and mercy or anger and hate. How would I want someone to respond to me?

And so my inner warrior is learning about boundaries. Boundaries aren't limits on connecting with others, but safety zones set up to keep us healthy and whole. They give us balance and the space to see what's ahead and respond accordingly. Setting up boundaries and learning how to say no has been so freeing!! (: It's helped me to encourage/honor others and myself as well.

"Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing."
~ 1 Thessalonians 5:11



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Week Twelve Update - I'm Back!!!

Well, after almost 4 weeks I'm back!! I still have more healing to do, but am able to type and use my hands again so I am blessed!! Thank you so much for all of the notes and emails of encouragement. They helped more than you'll ever know (:

This past month has been another time set apart and an interesting journey, one that has brought health as the only focus.

I'm a stress/emotional eater. Always have been. Being the caregiver of an adult family member can take a toll if you don't have a support system. Going from caring for Grandmother for 10 years, then Dad and next Mom after Dad's passing...let's just say emotional eating kicked in big time! Over the years I put on a huge amount of weight!!

After Dad died I knew it was time to make a change, but wasn't ready to totally commit to a clean diet. I have wheat and dairy sensitivities so eating gluten free and raw/organic milk and cheeses is the only way to go.

Even though many changes have been made on this simplifying journey, a clean diet has been one of the areas I was putting off. I was eating lots of sugar, wheat, cheese, milk - most of it conventional and by March 7th my body had had enough!!
Both of my hands became swollen three times their normal size, my eyes were almost swollen shut and my lips looked like a collagen injection gone wrong (: Slight movements would cause the skin to crack and bleed...not a fun experience. The pain was almost unbearable at times, but God had a plan...

As I posted, the first week of March most of my time was spent going through paper clutter that had been sitting in bins and boxes for years. This was am emotional process. My system was already out of balance due to the foods consumed and the emotional stress of finally dealing with the clutter sent my body over the edge. I know the mind, body, spirit connection is very powerful, but this experience has shown me how toxic negative thoughts and memories can be if we don't deal with them and learn new ways of processing.

I quickly made a change in diet, eating only vegetables and meat for the first three weeks and took the appropriate cocktail of herbal supplements to help the healing process. After three weeks I added in low sugar fruits. For the first two weeks I could do nothing but take vinegar baths, recite healing scripture over and over and pray. You begin to appreciate the simple things...taking a bath without it causing pain...the simple act of washing your hair...being able to use a fork to eat...going for a walk outside to get fresh air...petting the pups...these things become precious when they disappear.
Most of the journey was about keeping positive and knowing that God was working to heal me. I had to quit looking at the painful cracked and bleeding skin and focused on the internal healing that was taking place. By the end of the second week I was able to use my hands to hold a book and immediately began reading "Who Switched Off My Brain? Controlling Toxic Thoughts and Emotions" by Dr. Caroline Leaf. AMAZING book!! A MUST read. She helps you...

• Learn how toxic thoughts are like poison and how to identify “The Dirty Dozen,” twelve areas of toxic thinking in our lives.
• Sweep away “The Dirty Dozen” by breaking the cycle of toxic thinking.
• Uncover how your thoughts can actually start to improve every area of your life – your relationships, your health and even your success.

87% to 95% of the illnesses that plague us today are a direct result of our thought life. What we think about affects us physically and emotionally. Through an uncontrolled thought life, we create the conditions for illness and we make ourselves sick!
Research shows that fear, all on its own, triggers more than 1,400 known physical and chemical responses and activates more than 30 different hormones. There are INTELLECTUAL and MEDICAL reasons to FORGIVE! Toxic waste generated by toxic thoughts causes the following illnesses: diabetes, cancer, asthma, skin problems and allergies to name just a few.

Medical research increasingly points to the fact that thinking and consciously controlling your thought life is one of the best ways, if not the best way of detoxing your brain. It allows you to get rid of those toxic thoughts and emotions that can consume and control your mind.

So God got my attention and FAST!! Isn't that usually how it happens? We put off the things we know we should do until they become so horrible that they DEMAND our attention. Because of this clean way of eating I've lost 21 pounds in three weeks, removed all sugar and wheat from my diet and only fresh veggies, low sugar fruits, a few nuts, healthy oils (coconut, olive and flaxseed) and meats free of antibiotics and hormones remain.

After a few months I'll add pure maple syrup and honey, the rest of the fruits and raw milk and cheese back into the plan as well. And I have to say, I don't miss the junk! Having your body slap you upside and down again quickly gives perspective! There is no desire to eat in the old way (: Thank you Father!!!!!

So not only is God simplifying my environment, wardrobe, play time and work life, but I had no idea He would make such a dramatic and quick impact on simplifying my health by decluttering my thought life and kitchen pantry (: It's so good to be back!



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Authenticity

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Change

My Mother's favorite saying is "No one likes change but a baby with a dirty diaper." How true, how true. We get set in our patterns and when they're challenged, even when we're the one initiating the change, the balance we're used to throws us back for a loop. We regroup, make the needed tweaks in our plan and move forward. I'm not sure what it is about this week, but I feel changes are ahead and it's not the type I was anticipating when this year challenge began. It's the kind that brings sadness.

We've had a lot of transition within the last few years in our family and it can throw you off kilter if you let it. 2007 my father passed away, Mom fell deathly ill that same year and almost died and then 2008 brought the death of both of my Grandmothers during the Christmas holidays. 2009 was about healing, recovery and doing things in a different way, but now I find myself feeling that same "changing" sense from the previous years flooding my spirit again.

We all face moments of change...sometimes everyday. The key is to have a consistent foundation of some sort. Faith has been that consistency for me. No matter what craziness may be fluttering about, I know that God has things under control. It may be messy and not so pleasant at times, but just knowing He's taking care of things brings comfort.

If you're going through a time that seems to be coming at you from every side, know that even during these unsettling moments you have a soft place to fall in a Father who cares. You can come to Him at any time and He will hold your heart through it all.

"I am not anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, I present my requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, guards my heart and my mind in Jesus Christ." ~ Philippians 4:6-7



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Winter Bliss and Snow Filled Clouds

Full snow clouds in the sky. Ah...I love winter. Hot cocoa, snuggly pajamas and a time to curl up in a warm, cozy haven. The colder the better! Now, I say this because my home is in North Carolina, near the South Carolina border, and it usually doesn't get lower than the teens. If I lived in Minnesota or Maine I might have a different philosophy. This has been the first real flake fest of the year and it looks like it's going to stick around for a little while. Our side yard is covered with a combination of snow, sleet and ice...but it looks so lovely!

There's something about snow clouds...they seem to absorb all the noise of the hustle and bustle so we can truly hear what's around us. Cloudy days like today offer opportunities to take things slow and breath in the fresh, crisp air. So, while the snow is here I'll enjoy it and thank God for the white blanket of love He's sent our way. For now, I'll be on the sofa, sipping hot chocolate and watching old movies.



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Building An Altar

The altar in my home is a sacred space where I go to meet God to meditate, pray and center myself before Bible study. For me setting up an altar has helped me to get in the zone. By simply going through the motions of lighting a candle and sitting in the same place, it jump starts things and takes less time to leave the outside distractions behind.

Now, I know when I say the word altar people immediately think of a wooden bench with candles and incense. It can be anything you would like it to be. Possibly a bench, ottoman, rug, your favorite cozy chair in a hallway nook, a tree in your garden or even a window sill. Just create a space that has special meaning for you...a space that is quiet and peaceful where you can hear that still small voice within.

"Okay. Now I have an altar...what am I supposed to put on it?" Again, anything you like. It's different for each individual. You might have candles, some cherished mementoes like river rocks collected on a walk with a loved one, favorite Bible study books, cd's with classical music, a prayer journal, note pad with goals jotted down, etc. Anything that brings in gratitude as well as items you might use during your Bible study times.

During many times in His life Jesus withdrew from His disciples and the crowds to be alone in prayer. He often went to solitary places like the mountainside or gardens for prayer, even very early in the morning while it was still dark. Jesus found it very important to be in undisturbed quietness so His soul would be ready for communion with His Father. Like Jesus, we too need to find that quiet place where we can be free from disturbance for often God does not shout His messages to us, but gently whispers His words of guidance.

So this week, find your place of solace. Build an altar where you can shut out the world to hear that still, small voice and connect your spirit.

"Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed." ~ Mark 1:35



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